Sunday, May 3, 2015

The state i am in

Well, here i am now in my house at Jakarta, enjoying a week holiday and too lazy to go out because tomorrow i have to go back again to Singapore. I decided to post these shots, which have been abandoned for few months in my laptop. Went to Gillman Barracks few months ago. It is one of art spaces in Singapore and it consist of few blocks of art exhibitions. It is located around..telok blangah i think? I forgot already lol, anyway google is always there to help you. Been absent for couple months also on this blog omg i barely post a thing these days...but i update frequently on my instagram: @bellamoreway (if you're interested on my boring life snaps tho). 


I guess most of my clothing here is unbranded...except for the izzue shoes. You can find it in I.T stores in Singapore. Im currently into platform sneakers or practically sneakers and running shoes in general. Sneakers is a perfect shoes to walk around in Singapore or else i will get a leg cramp if i use wedges/heels. I also wear cropped turtleneck top, which i bought in bugis street. Coincidentally, it fits with my tartan mini dress, which i got from....bugis also. Srsly you can find a nice clothings with affordable prices if you look through closely in bugis street.
















Well..these days life is okay for me. I mean i am not yet satisfied with my life, yet i am thankful for it. I'm thankful for many things that god has gave me but it doesn't mean its enough and i stop working to achieve what i desire. There are many things that i haven't accomplish and makes me worried about my future. But at this time, i just need to take a deep breath, look around, smile, and be thankful for what i have. 


xx, bella





Monday, March 16, 2015

Broken




"I think it's okay to be broken, that's how the light goes in."















Please mind my constant 'hiding-my-face' shots. Faceless shots is somehow interesting. It makes you wonder and think about the person's actual expression. Is it happy? Gloomy? Emotionless? People will guess based on their own perception. Every person must has a different perspective and thoughts about the faceless pictures. This reminds us that it is okay to have different perception at something. These days, people tend to have the same perception on things. Success is perceived by getting a high-paid job, beauty is perceived by skinny posture and certain face shape etc. I've been thinking about it....and that's what i like from a faceless shot. It makes you wonder. Makes you curious.


xx, bella


Monday, December 29, 2014

Ordinary




Well, i've been on hiatus for couple month but here i am now. My schedule has been packed up these few months. There are times when i think to stop writing on this blog..but i guess i just can stop it, this is where i can put my thoughts without anyone judging. Its already end of December now, time flies like so fast. I guess on new year people tend to make a new year resolutions. Usually i don't really stick to having a 'new year resolution' but i think planning some things tho. These are some resolutions i've made:


1. Loving myself more
Yes. This is like a thing that's easy to say but in real life its just hard for me. It's just i can't help but compare myself to others people, and get this self-hatred feeling. I'm still trying to fix this thing. i often get really depressed about my physical appearance and thats just no good. Rather than focusing on things i'm lacking, i'm going to focus more on things i love, things i do well. Rather than being sad and complaining about my appearance, i'm trying to focus more on how to fix it. how to make it better. Grieving and complaining about your weakness doesn't solve anything, so i'm going to look at myself more positively. Take some time to exercise everyday, eat healthier, tidy my room, take care of my skin more, etc.  


2. Be more independent
I'm going to live alone around starting next month, so i'm trying to be more independent in the future. Blatantly speaking, i'm that person who still depends on people especially parents. I think it's because i haven't experience living alone. Seriously, i even cannot cook properly (just ask my best friends or cousins). I have to force myself to change and be less dependent to people. Well, i'm getting older and i guess now it's time for me to be more responsible, at least for myself first. If i already can take care of myself properly, i can take care of other things well also. umm take care of my significance other too...maybe? 



3. Gain confidence
Maybe if you never meet me or you're my superrr close friend, you would not think i have a low confidence. Actually i'm not sure why i feel awkward and less confidence if i'm talking (especially to new people unless we have a same interest). I'm a introvert person also, and it seems like introvert person more likely to express themselves through writing? not sure actually. but i'm trying to change that. Well, having a confidence is really important, especially if i'm getting into job interview etc etc. When i think about it more...its impossible to have confidence if i don't love myself. Without loving myself, i think reaching self-confidence won't be easy. 


 4. Making my parents proud
This is such a cliche resolution is it? but i think this is really important for me especially in next year. Its time to prove that i'm capable of taking care of myself and pursuing in degree with satisfying marks. In 2015, i'm going to focus more on my study and get rid of all distracting things. My parents have put high hopes on me and  i wont let them down. They always say everything i do right now is not for them, but it's all for me in the end. If i put efforts on my study, i'm the one who will be happy in the end.

2014 has been such a roller coaster ride for me. From being ridiculously happy, until i broke down to tears like crazy. I learn so much about life, good things, bad things. I'm trying to be a better person ahead, and try to focus on my study more. love and respect myself. Everything that happens on this year will be memories, and memories is supposed to be keep in a safe place, but don't stick on them. I still have lots of thing to achieve, lots of things to learn, to explore, lots a thins waiting for me in 2015


and i hope those things will be wonderful.


Friday, August 29, 2014

Thoughts


Writing post in the middle of the night seems like my habit already. It is not my intention to write at midnight, but it feels like that time is perfect to pour all my thoughts while listening to soothing k-indie songs. At night, i can think about everything endlessly. Sometimes i can cry myself to sleep at night. Sometimes i think "Why me? Why things have to be like this?". I know that i made mistakes in the past and wondering why i did those things. Well, everybody makes mistakes right? Just face it and take it as a life lesson but remember not to make it twice. 






Sometimes i feel so insecure. No, all the time. I feel insecure about my skin colour, face feature, pimples, legs, and other things. Seems like i cannot live up people's expectation of beauty. I'm not sure if it is because the society. Society changes the perspective of beauty.




Negative thinking often pops out in my mind and i cant seem to get it out. Everytime i see someone who's better than me, i feel so insecure and useless. I am trying to fix these things. I won't let negative thinking surrounds me all the time. It is okay to be frustrated in some point, but we have to move forward. Live up your passion. Do what you love. Take activities and chances you never did before. Make friends and meet new people so you can get ideas from different perspectives. Visit a hidden and relaxing cafe and eat delicious dessert without thinking about diet. 



For the outfit, i wear this mini tutu skirt which have been hiding in my wardrobe for a long time. Totally loving my choker that i bought in a Japanese store. Actually i wasn't really into choker because i thought i won't suit me. Turns out that this one does! I love the pendant that has a vintage vibe.




xx,bella

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

coming up roses















Yep im finally back on track (again). Actually.. i dont know why i always delay my post and end up posting now. Maybe i feel like lacking of inspiration? There some post on my draft but i keep hesitating to post, and in the end i just abandon those post. I'm currently having school break until early August and all i've done is just sleep all day long like a koala srsly. I always sleep around 4 and wake up at 1 in the afternoon. Well, i just cant resist holiday vibe when you can sleep all day long without worrying abt assignment and stuff. This zara asymetrical skirt has been neglected for a while in my wardrobe. I'm not sure these days asymetrical skirt is still on trend, but well..i dont always follow newest trends tho. I pair it with my jeans vest which often shown up on my post for several times (Hope you dont mind). I think jeans vest is always perfect to pair up with girly dress or skirt. I'm going back to Jakarta tomorrow for a week. Cant wait to catch up with my friends and big family there, hope things turns out well and i can enjoy my time in jakarta <3 Also i just made a song playlist, well most of them are korean indie which i'm really diggin into right now. 





xx, Bella

Coming up roses from bellamoreway1 on 8tracks Radio.